We are all beginners when it comes to matters of the heart. However, some of us at least speak with authority. Introducing Shon Faye, author of Transgender Issues () and the upcoming
Love in Exile () , which suggests getting the attention of our eyes. Please contact her at [email protected] for a chance at enlightenment.
Dear Shon,
I’m a trans woman and I’ve been dating this guy for a year. He’s hot and cold, but generally very sweet, kind, funny, handsome (etc.). We were “officially” dating for about a month, but one day he came to my house and told me we had to break up because I was trans and he didn’t want his friends and family to know he was in a relationship. with me.
I see him despite his attempts to break up with me. I still love him, and I’ve told him – even though he won’t respond. I’ve never felt so safe and comfortable around another human being, and ironically, this may be the healthiest (and definitely longest) relationship I’ve ever had. I truly believe he loves me even though he is so emotionally elusive and frankly timid that he can’t seem to admit it.
Part of me knows this is only temporary and will end one day, either because I can’t take it anymore or because I found someone else who does want to be with me together. But I’m trying to find a way to make it work because he’s a really sweet guy and treats me well most of the time. what do I do?
Your
Ruyi
Dear Ruyi,
It is brave of you to write to me. I want to start with this because from experience I know how difficult it is to admit that you are still in a relationship that has not been treated well. You are not alone. Many women I know are quietly accepting the hurt in their relationships with men, unwilling to admit it to their friends for fear of sounding naive, or fearing that telling the truth of the situation will dampen the hopeless hope that one day, He will change and things will get better. I don’t want to make you feel naive or give you false hope, so let’s take this with a grain of salt.
2025
