“The following is a true story. Other than cutting down on the boring crap and making up a bunch of stuff, this really happened.”
So opens Sex, Drugs and a Sitcom, a wild TV pilot script written by über producer Chuck Lorre about him in
This script was acquired by THR in June 11, 681. According to sources, Lorre shopped around town for it, but didn’t install it — though it no doubt surprised some with its raucous, unreserved account of what’s going on behind the scenes (probably?).
On NBC’s Today show, Matt Lauer interviews an ebullient Sheen, and after opening, chyron identifies Lauer as “NBC News Anchor , back “when he was still at work” – the pilot then travels back in time “nine years ago, everything was a septic tank” about how Two and a Half Men
came into being.
Given that the pilot’s real-life characters include a bunch of stars from previous Lorre series (in flashback scenes) such as Roseanne
, casting would be fun, Cybill, Grace Under Fire and Dharma & Greg, along with ex-Warner Bros. Television chairman Peter Ross (described as a hugger) and ousted CBS boss Les Moonves (“the most powerful man in television and Naughty Naughty Boy”, according to Chyron) and other industry figures. 
Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones and Charlie Sheen at Two and a half. CBS/Courtesy Everett Collection
Didn’t know Lorre would want to play himself, though the final screen text makes it clear how he wants to feature: “In this storytelling, Chuck Lorre Portrayed as a witty and compassionate individual. There’s another version where he’s arrogant and insecure. Someone else can write that. Ending scene.
Neither WBTV nor Lorre had commented by press time.
This story first appeared in November Issue of The Hollywood Reporter Magazine. Click here to subscribe .
