While I was on vacation in Greece this summer, a guy I dated a few times didn’t respond to my messages. This is bullshit because I’ve let myself imagine how well he’d get along with my friend, and I can tell he’s leaving. In the past, if my chin spot made him nauseous, I’d worry all day and google things like “how to check someone’s Instagram story without them knowing.” But this time, I thought to myself, you’re in Greece, don’t let him ruin your fun, instead of moping, I went out and ordered too much food (because it’s hard to share a plate when there’s only one of you) while paying ridiculous 30 Before the Euro there was a sun lounger where I could lie down and rereadThe Water Cure by Sophie Mackintosh. Then I realized , instead of being sad about his rejection, I was happier with my response. It was reassuring to know for sure that I would be fine and that I wouldn’t let things like this kill me the way I’ve done in the past. This is the number one thing I learned about dating last year. But I also found out more. Even more than 2021. Here are some lessons I learned from 2022.
We need to surrender to uncertainty
Your crush probably didn’t text over the weekend because they’ve been busy and they Don’t want to reply in the bar bathroom, but want to wait. Or they may really not care, and find it increasingly difficult to muster the energy to say something to you. It was exhausting convincing myself of the reality of both situations, only to convince myself the opposite two seconds later.
There’s a big difference between dealing with something and obsessing over it
At the end of the day it’s a matter of whether you’re learning something new . I don’t know how much time I spend analyzing the way certain men treat me – tell me I should see their sister, then leave so quickly a week later that I almost feel like I’m making it all up. By refusing to repeat this repetition any more, you are not repressing your feelings unhealthily, you are simply stopping asking questions to which you already know the answer. It means you can pick yourself up, move on, and find other, better things to fill your mind with, like Aubrey Plaza in a black Versace swimsuit in The White Lotus How pretty.
Don’t think too much about texting – reply with the first thing that comes to your mind
We spend a lot of time trying to think Giving someone the perfect response to fall in love with us, outsourcing responses to friends, brainstorming smart things to say, but we have no idea what that person is actually looking for. Maybe they like people sending Real Housewives
GIFs? Maybe they want a long paragraph about a book you just read? You might as well have them put off by the real you than by the you you invented to impress them. And, no matter what, the way you text will never determine whether or not you end up together.
We shouldn’t compromise
A friend met her ex-boyfriend the other day. “He looked really handsome,” she told me. “It made me think: My next boyfriend has to be very handsome too.” Years of being single made me feel like I should be less critical, but hearing her say that made me realize that wasn’t the case. In fact, as my friend Moya used to say, “If it’s not fuck yes, then it’s no”, and that applies to most things, especially dating. If they don’t make you want to run across the field screaming, if they don’t make every song of Ariana Grande make sense, if they don’t make you shoehorn into conversations that have nothing to do with them, that’s fine. What’s your opinion? Stay home and organize cabinets that stress you out every time you open them.
Focus on how people make you feel
The point is not that it took him a long time to reply – it doesn’t have to Means he doesn’t like you. The point is that his non-response text messages make you feel
that he doesn’t like you. That kind of behavior makes you unhappy, and you shouldn’t be around someone who makes you unhappy.
Meeting someone and deciding within a few hours that you want to spend the rest of your life every Saturday morning snuggling them on the couch won’t make you clingy or crazy
In today’s dating climate, where every interaction feels like a competition over who doesn’t care less, it’s easy to feel awkward about having strong feelings, but you just have There’s a lot of love to give, and when you have nowhere to put it, it builds up inside you until it feels like you might explode.
All you have is your pride
A friend told me that after she made herself some for romantic interest before things that belittle herself — like, painting her nails red because TikTok says it attracts men, or cleaning a man’s sink because there’s too much gunk around the tap to stay in for a pleasant time. In experience – she remembers that part of J. Lo’s “All I Have” where she sang, “All I Have is Pride,” and LL Cool J responded, “Pride is all you have, baby girl, I’m What have you.” You may not get that guy/girl, but it’s more important to be self-aware.
Speaking of your friends, they want you to connect
Even if they act shamed when you suggest it.
Don’t ask people in a relationship for advice as they usually don’t know what dating is all about
They might tell you You’re picky, when in reality, you’re just dating someone who “pinches, slaps, first of the month” at the start of dating. It means they don’t know why someone like you is single because they love you so much they can’t understand the idea that anyone would pass you by.
Sex should be thought about in a more fluid way
I came to this conclusion after talking to a friend. He says that when he’s drunk and can’t get hard, women always think the sex is over, pull up the duvet, and press play for whatever documentary they’re watching. My friend mentioned that one of the things he’s learned from talking about queer sex is that there doesn’t need to be such a specific beginning and end. You might start and then stop for a hug and chat and then you might start over. Sex is more than penetration; the whole thing counts. It’s a warm pink touch bubble: They caress your leg with the tip of their nails, or give you a T-shirt that smells like their skin.
People can feel the energy
Regardless of other people’s jokes you laughed out loud all night and danced so hot, first It doesn’t matter if you have abs for the first time£30 Life after the no-show fee scares you into doing Pilates every day. If you are insecure or needy, it will be obvious to everyone around you. It’s frustrating because it takes a long time to get comfortable with yourself, but it’s also good because it’s a reason to actually work to get to a good place.
I’m not sure if there’s any one thing you can do to stay confident, but there’s definitely something that works. When you’re in the shower, doing chores, or walking down the street and can’t think of a podcast to listen to, try muting it once. Listen to every thought wandering through your mind.
First thing in the morning, before you get out of bed, write three pages in your journal. Don’t write it well, don’t write it as if someone is going to publish it with Penguin after you die, and write down every horrible, stupid, baseless thought that pops into your head. Write so quickly that you don’t have time to censor yourself. Get rid of all unpleasantness – fear, insecurity – away. You’ll start to understand why you’re behaving the way you do, and just understanding that makes it easier to stop those thought patterns and form new, healthier ones.
2022
