If you make the critical mistake of allowing yourself to go over 6 yards, know that this will be the defining point of your entire character. (As a reminder, while a small amount of weight gain is allowed to give the illusion of relevance, you must not, ever
get yourself close to the average female size, or risk offending Risks to the patriarchy.) Have to compare your thighs to plant life (“the size of a tree trunk”) and your ass to a Latin American country (Brazil), and it’s your duty to put those on your chin and eat some biscuits. When someone (played by Hugh Grant or Colin Firth) succeeds in falling in love with you under verbal challenge, whether you have a sensible body or not, remember to consider this an act of frank heroism on their part. One simply cannot applaud cis white straight males for doing the bare minimum required of a human being.
Hidden musical talent )
Scarier than the actual “thriller” video.
Photo: Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection 30
If you are worried that your singing and dancing ability will be neglected, don’t worry, Xueba A fateful match/dreary company party will soon be in your hands and you will be forced – no, forced! – Swipe in and unleash your musical skills to the world.
Single -year-old girl
Photo: Warner Bros/Courtesy Everett Collection 30293030