Here are some things I learned about myself in 20: I am naturally introverted and need at least two days to recover between suspensions; I’ll never be a talented baker because I don’t like following directions; I’m pretty monogamous. I’ve tried non-monogamy, like I’ve tried baking and continuous socializing, but unfortunately, it just doesn’t work for me. I have a somewhat disorganized attachment style and find it difficult to focus on multiple people at once. I also don’t like sharing the intimate space I create with my partner. Is that selfish? Maybe. But it’s also true.
Non-monogamous is not for me, but works well for others. I have friends who are non-monogamous by nature and have multiple partners for multiple needs. I know people who are loyal to a person for a long time, but they don’t mind if they get a littlesomething. I can definitely see the appeal, I love the idea but not so much in practice. That’s okay: There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to love and sex. Intimacy is fluid; there’s no right framework for expressing things like this.
That said, with the rise of Ethical Non-Monogamous (ENM) stars in the past few years, so too has the idea that there is a “correct” ” way of life. Polyamorous people like to talk about their polyamory in the smoking section and say things like “Love is not a limited resource!” One of my personal favorites is, “Monogamy is a violent institution designed to preserve capitalism and patriarchy.” Meanwhile, monogamous people still dominate society more broadly , they often look down on those who have an alternative relationship style. “Isn’t that just sanctioned cheating?” This is a recurring argument (any ENM person will tell you the opposite is true). “Er,” they said. “It can never be me!”
I may have swayed in both directions at different stages of my life. But ultimately, I now subscribe to a concept I like to call “relationship neutrality,” which is basically the idea that how other people handle their relationships is none of your business and not worth discussing. Being non-monogamous or polyamorous doesn’t automatically make you more open-minded or free-thinking than other people (we all know the guy with the dangling earring Use ENM as an excuse to act like a horrible person). Monogamy also doesn’t make you morally superior, or immune to the complications you go through in any relationship. (Sorry to bother you, but instructing a person to stop being attracted to others doesn’t work.)
2020
