!” My wife YJ and I couldn’t believe it. it is2018 and After years of delays, we’re just getting started. Many of our friends are trying to get pregnant and we are late s, so I’m ready for a long and hard process. Here we are, however, looking at a little pink line on the at-home test that will suddenly rush towards us for the rest of our lives, whether we’re ready or not. I’m so excited – I’ve always wanted to be a dad. YJ is more conflicted, worried about giving up her independence and taking on parental responsibilities. My mother, on the other end of the phone, was ecstatic. Because she never tires of reminding us, she’s been waiting – waiting – to be a grandmother.
“ We are pregnant!” This sentence The words echo in countless joyful phone calls and social media posts every year. But is it correct to say “we” when one of you is really carrying all the weight? Yes, it was a life changing experience for both of us. Instead of pretending they are just bystanders or breadwinners, fathers should take on the role of caregiver at every stage. But I’m not the one who feels sick, loses energy and appetite, gives up martinis, and faces all kinds of aches, pains and insults. There is no way to share the actual burden of pregnancy.
Began to become pregnant The right approach also applies to ending a pregnancy. Towards the end of the first trimester, genetic testing revealed severe chromosomal abnormalities. I want to tell you, “We decided to terminate the pregnancy.” Or, “We had an abortion.” In a sense, that’s true. My wife and I discussed it, made the decision together, and never doubted it was the right decision. When it was over, we cried a lot. Not because we have moral doubts, but because we desperately want things to turn out differently. But here, “we” is also complicated. My wife was the one who got the anesthesia and had the surgery, not me. She has to deal with the hormonal changes and the process of her body resetting itself, not me. She had an abortion, not me.
So how should men talk about abortion? Now that the Supreme Court’s right-wing majority has overturned Roe v Wade
, mass mobilization for abortion rights has never been more urgent. Midterm elections in November will help determine whether many states protect reproductive freedom or take it away. Just last month, South Carolina Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham clarified what was at stake in the election by introducing a nationwide abortion ban. Men cannot stand idly by. We also need to see the struggle for reproductive rights as our struggle. Learning how to talk about our own abortion experiences is the first step.
That’s not to say it’s going to be easy or straightforward. First, I was acutely aware that my experience as a privileged white man in a blue state was very different from the struggle of pregnant women, especially low-income people of color, in states that banned abortion. And I hate the idea that stories like ours – a married couple terminating a pregnancy for health reasons – can be portrayed as a “good” abortion and used to delegitimize others.
However, I am convinced that silence is not the right choice. If men don’t talk about our own experiences with abortion, it sends the message that reproductive freedom is a “women’s problem” that half can ignore. By making abortion taboo, we reinforce the damaging stigma against medical procedures that save and improve people’s lives. In the years after Roe
, women are more likely to graduate from college, go to law and medical school, pursue a career and start a family, if when they are ready. Safe and legal abortion doesn’t just improve women’s lives – it also benefits children, families, and yes, men too. (And vice versa: Studies show that people who refuse abortion suffer long-term health and economic consequences.)
To better understand how a man should speak Regarding abortion, I asked reproductive justice activist Renee Bracey Sherman for advice. She is the founder of We Testify, an organization of people who support abortion and want to tell their stories. “Because the message for a long time is basically, ‘No uterus, no opinion,'” said Bracey Sherman, and men “are being told not to have an opinion on abortion.” But, she told me, “everyone has value in sharing their story.” Bracy Sherman said more men should be talking about how their loved ones support abortion and how they deal with their emotions and experiences. It can’t stop there. “Too many cisgender men feel that being on social media is showing their support for abortion rather than advocating for change,” said Bracey Sherman. Now more than ever, men are needed in the fight.
I’ve always considered myself strongly “pro-choice”, but if I’m honest, it’s always been a bit abstract to me. It wasn’t until my wife and I decided to end our pregnancy that I felt the urgency of abortion rights from the bottom of my heart.
