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If you’ve ever spent time dabbling in the chaotic waters of IVF discussions, you probably already know how difficult it can be to find a place in the conversation if you’re not a straight, white, cisgender person. Fortunately, writers like Maggie Nelson and Evette Dionne have long worked to demystify the process and offer a more inclusive perspective—and this month, author, poet, and organizer Michelle Tea joins them The ranks of her new memoir
Self-assertion: My (Not) Fertility Memoir This Monthly from HarperCollins.
It should be clear from the cover of the memoir that the cover of the book is a pregnant tea, wearing red underwear, Bare her belly, this is not a book with any content, whether or not it details information about trying to conceive A one-year-old queer woman, originating tea as a once precarious insurance worker’s distrust of the healthcare system, or tea and her ex-partner The backbone of the love story between, she and she went through an in vitro fertilization process and eventually gave birth to a son.
Tea’s story certainly has setbacks, but also lots of joy – considering All the pessimistic stats out there regarding the likelihood of pregnancy via IVF (especially more than
age ), it feels both inspiring and a little radical to see Tea so determined to build the family she longs for – even if it’s not easy. Vogue recently talked to Tea about coming to appreciate her body after pregnancy, dealing with roast-in Queerphobia in IVF, and the Fall of
Roe v. Wade
Impact of technologies on assisted reproduction. Read the full interview below.
First of all, how was your reading journey?
Michelle Tea: Really funny and sweet. There’s a lot of people exploring IVF, so it’s really interesting. It’s nice to feel a little sense of community around this book, and it feels like it’s some kind of touchstone for people going through IVF. There are also many people who do not know whether they want children or not, and some people are in that kind of conflicting space and raise their hands during the question and answer session to express these feelings.
I know you’re used to writing about your life, but is talking about this book more inherently personal than past projects?
I wrote a lot Memoirs, so I’m used to talking about my personal life in Q&A and stuff like that, but writing about things that other people might be going through positively or finding stories they’re really relevant to that can help them get through these difficult places, Because in vitro fertilization can be very difficult. I haven’t had this level of engagement with readers before. Glad to think this book might be helpful to people.
What’s your favorite Books or articles on gay fertility or parenthood?
helped me the most The book is Ariel Gore’s book
The Hip Mama Survival Guide . It’s not queer, per se, although Ariel is, and isn’t necessarily talking about IVF, it’s a very punk, feminist, DIY book Parenting books that make me feel like I — you know, the kind of “mom mold” that a non-normal human culture shows us — might have a child. I like the idea that you don’t need to be a rich man, you can keep going where you are; I’m in mine s, it really changed the way I looked at my parents.
in your IVF Do you have any special experiences you would like to share with other would-be queer parents while traveling?
Well, I think I What really learned was that I could move on with some ambivalence. There was a feeling that I had to be absolutely crazy like a baby, or like, “No, I don’t have kids at all.” I was in this stagnation for a while because I didn’t fall into either camp and I didn’t know what to do . Then I realized, oh, it’s ok as long as I want it, like, %. You know, it’s okay to have doubts and uncertainties, and then just a little bit of trust and go into it and see what it’s like.
correct. I mean, straight couples just get a little pregnant and go all the way from there, right?
I think for heterosexual Couples, there are a lot of stories about someone getting pregnant unexpectedly, right? Of course there are contradictions. They have no plans, but they will see what happens. On the other hand, having a baby can be a daunting task for queer people, and there’s a sense that you need to be really sure that you want it because it takes money, it takes planning, it’s going to take something to do with your body Different types of stress. Bringing a child into the world is a daunting task, so it makes perfect sense that there is a lot of inconsistency or uncertainty. So I just accepted that, and then once I accepted that, I felt like it gave me more freedom to pursue my parents.
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