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If you’ve ever spent time dabbling in the chaotic waters of IVF discussions, you probably already know how difficult it can be to find a place in the conversation if you’re not a straight, white, cisgender person. Fortunately, writers like Maggie Nelson and Evette Dionne have long worked to demystify the process and offer a more inclusive perspective—and this month, author, poet, and organizer Michelle Tea joins them The ranks of her new memoir
It should be clear from the cover of the memoir that the cover of the book is a pregnant tea, wearing red underwear, Bare her belly, this is not a book with any content, whether or not it details information about trying to conceive A one-year-old queer woman, originating tea as a once precarious insurance worker’s distrust of the healthcare system, or tea and her ex-partner The backbone of the love story between, she and she went through an in vitro fertilization process and eventually gave birth to a son.
Tea’s story certainly has setbacks, but also lots of joy – considering All the pessimistic stats out there regarding the likelihood of pregnancy via IVF (especially more than
Michelle Tea: Really funny and sweet. There’s a lot of people exploring IVF, so it’s really interesting. It’s nice to feel a little sense of community around this book, and it feels like it’s some kind of touchstone for people going through IVF. There are also many people who do not know whether they want children or not, and some people are in that kind of conflicting space and raise their hands during the question and answer session to express these feelings.
I wrote a lot Memoirs, so I’m used to talking about my personal life in Q&A and stuff like that, but writing about things that other people might be going through positively or finding stories they’re really relevant to that can help them get through these difficult places, Because in vitro fertilization can be very difficult. I haven’t had this level of engagement with readers before. Glad to think this book might be helpful to people.
What’s your favorite Books or articles on gay fertility or parenthood?
helped me the most The book is Ariel Gore’s book
in your IVF Do you have any special experiences you would like to share with other would-be queer parents while traveling?
Well, I think I What really learned was that I could move on with some ambivalence. There was a feeling that I had to be absolutely crazy like a baby, or like, “No, I don’t have kids at all.” I was in this stagnation for a while because I didn’t fall into either camp and I didn’t know what to do . Then I realized, oh, it’s ok as long as I want it, like, %. You know, it’s okay to have doubts and uncertainties, and then just a little bit of trust and go into it and see what it’s like.
correct. I mean, straight couples just get a little pregnant and go all the way from there, right?
I think for heterosexual Couples, there are a lot of stories about someone getting pregnant unexpectedly, right? Of course there are contradictions. They have no plans, but they will see what happens. On the other hand, having a baby can be a daunting task for queer people, and there’s a sense that you need to be really sure that you want it because it takes money, it takes planning, it’s going to take something to do with your body Different types of stress. Bringing a child into the world is a daunting task, so it makes perfect sense that there is a lot of inconsistency or uncertainty. So I just accepted that, and then once I accepted that, I felt like it gave me more freedom to pursue my parents.
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Magazine
go through Serena Williams
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The rule is that I cannot write he. [laugh. ] He made it very clear that when he saw the book, he was like, “Wait, it’s about me.” I was like, “No, it’s about I , it’s about when you are inside me.” In general, I’ve always had a rule of not writing People who live with me, so my mom finally got out of it because she moved in with me during COVID. I don’t write too much about my son because I do respect his privacy.
Based on your observations, you Does it feel like the process of trying to conceive as a queer family has changed since you went through it?
From what I observed, it Not much has changed. It’s still very expensive – well, I think there are more companies offering maternity benefits now, but it blows my mind that the system is still built to cater to heterosexual couples. I didn’t realize how much help a heterosexual couple would need to get pregnant – I thought it would be all gay people, but we’re a minority. While everyone I’ve dealt with in person has been excellent, the computer system protocols are so bad. Once I decided I wanted to carry my ex’s eggs, their system saw me as a surrogate and they as an egg donor. We have to go through this kind of psychological evaluation that is not usually given. It’s disgusting, and to my credit, my doctor even tried to drop this without us asking, but that’s protocol.
exist
Actually, it’s kind of creepy. The last thing I want is to be seen as a spokesperson for pregnancy; I was lucky I had a good pregnancy, I wasn’t very sick, I really enjoyed the experience, but most women I spoke with had a hard time getting pregnant , and my thinking is that anyone would be forced to stay in this situation, which is reprehensible. It’s a nightmare. Still, parents around me are strongly supportive of abortion, and really, that’s how children should be conceived and born; intentionally and intentionally, with parents who are committed to the process.
How will this affect the industry?
go through
Violetta Valdes
It does exactly that. Historically, I’ve always been a bit of a detached person from my body. I’m not necessarily connected to or rooted in the body – but being pregnant, it felt like my body suddenly became this science experiment. I really, really like that. I love to experience the growth of a baby inside me, all the ways my body changes is astounding. I’ve always seen my body as a vehicle – when I was younger it was definitely a vehicle for sex and drugs, and then it’s more like a vehicle for my brain. But now I just feel like I have more respect for my body in this fun way, and it exists for the noble purpose of comforting my children.
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