The romance between Ben Affleck and Dunkin’ Donuts is now legendary – and it came as quite a shock when he and wife Jennifer Lopez were recently discovered [gasp] to a Starbucks in the Los Angeles area, which Glamor describes as a “betrayal” of his long-standing affinity for DD.
It’s worth noting that Jen herself is more of a Starbucks girl, at least if the giant bedazzled Starbucks mug she carries around in the Netflix documentary is any indication, but does that mean Ben is now a Starbucks man? Will Dunkin’ Donuts Stock Plunge? Will angry Bostonians litter the Boston Harbor with Dunkin’ coffee cups and donut containers in protest?
Now, the real question is: why should I care where two famous people are having their coffee? A perfectly fair question, and I can only answer that (a) I’m not feeling well, and (b) after driving half the country alone this month, I’m nothing if not loyal to my big coffee brand of choice, which happens to be It’s Starbucks. Do I want companies to stop breaking unions? Sure, but when you leave Santa Fe or Phoenix or some small town in Texas at 6 a.m. and your eyes are small and red from the night’s long drive, you just Need good old fashioned caffeine (or, in my case, a venti mint mocha that can be sipped slowly throughout the day, don’t judge me), their early hours, solid drive-thru options, and surprisingly delicious Breakfast sandwiches are an absolute hit.
All that said, I have to admit, thinking of Ben Affleck, Boston pride and dunk king, from the… Starbucks Cup. I will never blame Jennifer for defecting. After all, sometimes new — or rekindled — love makes a difference, and God knows if the one thing a solid couple needs is a go-to coffee source that everyone can enjoy without disagreement. (Little by little, I’ve had to get my partner used to the fact that I need at least two cups of coffee a day, one immediately upon waking up and an espresso-based “therapy coffee” in the afternoon, So I get it.)
Does all this mean the end of Ben, Jen and Dunkin’? Not necessarily, but I’ve thought about it, and I’m now willing and ready to welcome Ben to Star Trek. Pull up a chair and grab a Frappuccino so sweet that you temporarily lose control, Ben. Keep your nose clean, tip nicely, and if there’s only one cake pop left in the display case, don’t order it; you’re very hot, rich and famous, and someone else needs it more than you. (It’s called dessert socialism, look it up.) I like brand loyalty, but at the end of the day, I prefer true love.