You wrote about other movies, but Baby Ruby is the first video you directed. Why do you need to direct this film?
I think because the story feels personal and I feel like I understand myself so deeply that I want the story. It’s not like me going out and saying: Oh, I have to be a feature film director, let me find a feature film to direct. More than that: I really want to tell this story, I really want to tell it this way, and I know I’m the one doing it, and I can’t trust it to anyone.
What was the process like entering this new role?
I have I really feel like I need to tell this story, but I need to figure out the tools to make it happen. I know I wanted it to be a movie and not a play for many reasons, one of which is that it’s impossible to have a baby on stage for an entire play. But also because it feels so psychological and visceral, and the movie does that very well. To tell this story, I learned to make films. Every step of the process has been a huge learning curve for me. I used to be an actor, so I know what it’s like to be on set. I’ve had stuff that other people photographed. But the man in charge of the whole operation was new to me.
What is the most surprising thing?
There are many things. The feeling of having all these tools at your fingertips, and having these amazing people out there to support your vision, and then all that ensues is a lot of stress and almost loneliness because, in the end, you’re the one that charges.
I think there is an interesting thematic connection between what you describe as a director and the way your film explores motherhood because it is both a It is a very common experience and a very isolating process.
Yes, because it’s pretty much universal, but when you go through it, it can be very lonely at times, or maybe it is. I think a lot of deeply transformative experiences in life have this quality. I think grief has that quality; I think loss can have that quality. Everyone goes through it, but we’re all so isolated in it. I think part of it is because our culture hasn’t really found a language for these really horrible things. People are scared to say: Being a mother is not a state of pure bliss for me, I have these really horrible feelings and I don’t know what to do . We don’t want to have a conversation about it, so we’re isolated. Talking about those things is
scary. But at the end of the day, part of the reason I made this movie was because I wanted to diminish that sense of isolation that people might feel when they go through this experience.