Saturday Night LiveCold Open Target
Donald Trump Press conference following a recent train derailment and toxic chemical spill in East Palestine, Ohio.
“It’s great to be in East Palestine, not a great name,” James Austin Johnson’s Trump said in February Opening 25 section. “Come here and look at these wonderful people who have been dumped by Biden. He and his friend Zelensky are wearing T-shirts in Ukraine for spring break. Very disrespectful.”
Johnson’s ex-President went on to say that what happened in the town was horrible, noting that a farmer approached him and told him they had nothing to eat because the dirt was poisonous.
“Then I said, ‘Well, what are you doing eating dirt? Don’t eat dirt,'” he said. “‘Don’t eat the dirt. You should eat the cold McDonald’s I brought you with bottled water and Trump ice cubes. Honestly, I just put my stickers on some Dasani.”
He continued, “I’ve heard all about your water, but I’m looking at your river, it’s so shiny. I’ve never seen such beautiful water— —beautiful rainbow and color-changing. It’s made with Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty Water.”
Johnson went on to talk about Rihanna’s performance at the Super Bowl and how she knew she was pregnant because she “didn’t move at all” and then pinned the blame on Pete Buttigieg.
“It’s his responsibility,” he said. “Unfortunately, he’s too busy being a nerd and a gay.”