“Most of their stories end with accidentally saving the world or doing something amazing, and they often express something that is almost unbelievable to themselves,” Dr. Weisner said, adding that those with narcissistic personality disorder are often attracted to high-power jobs and people, and often have lofty goals (think competing for CEO or positions of influence).
Of course, self-centered people brag about their accomplishments, but for narcissists, the underlying motivation is “the need to maintain a complete image in front of others,” she adds. “It’s about being seen a certain way by the world.” In other words, it’s not that they truly believe they are superior (as a selfish jerk might do);
A selfish jerk is more important
Also, like a narcissist, a selfish jerk can be prone to bragging, blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But Dr. Hirsch said it could quickly become monotonous. Narcissism, on the other hand, can be exciting.
“When a narcissist shines on you, it can make you feel like a rock star. They tend to be a little too flattering at first,” says Dr. Weissner. “They even seem like the perfect partner, parent or friend—the only problem is, there’s a subconsciously manipulative quality to it.” The positive attention they give you isn’t about you at all; it’s about you. It’s about making a good impression so you stay with them and provide them with their lifeblood: praise and admiration.
A real life example: A regular jerk probably won’t show up at your birthday party because they’re mad at you and don’t really care if other people think they’re mean for dumping you. But someone with a narcissistic personality disorder is likely to show up, give you the greatest gift, be a great partner for everyone in attendance, and then say something hurtful in private when no one is looking.
Many narcissists have a deep-rooted need to put others down in order to make themselves feel better, “and that part comes to light slowly,” Dr. Weisner explains. Eventually you may start to feel like you’re walking on eggshells – a sign that you may be dealing with narcissistic traits or NPD. “At the end of the day, these people either make you feel great, or they’re kind of scary.” Which leads us to our next point.
Narcissists see your lack of admiration as an attack and they respond in the same way.
Trying to match the patterns of selfish jerks (say, you stop texting them them ) or failing to fully agree with their talents may irritate them slightly, or they may not even notice. They’re fighting for themselves, and what you do usually doesn’t make a huge difference to that, Dr. Hirsch said. But for narcissists, these are the main triggers that fuel aggressive and abusive behavior.
